We at ZeroTurnaround believe that all bugs must be corrected as soon as possible. However often it just doesn’t seem possible to do that immediately (if ever). Usually in such cases the bugs are not so much in the code of the program as in the DNA of the engineer.
Although you can try to improve the engineer by breeding him or her with another engineer, this process is lengthy and can take up to 20 years. Moreover it is likely that the engineer will get distracted and watch TV, play games, breed with non-engineers and otherwise avoid work during that time. It is also not a reliable process, producing better engineers only half of the time.
With the new DNArebel it all is about to change. Based on our award winning JavaRebel engine, DNArebel allows you to edit your genes on the fly, save and continue working. If you’re tackling a complicated problem that is clearly beyond you there no more need to leave it for the future generations. Just hack on your spacial imagination and abstract thinking genes and get it done now.
“We have tested the product extensively”, says ZeroTurnaround marketing captain David Booth, “and for those that survive the process, it increases developer productivity by more than 3000% on average. Using time saved and developer salaries to calculate ROI, we’re talking about replacing hundreds of unmodified engineers with a single DNArebel user.”
While the cost savings are beneficial in any economic climate, developers report results of another nature. “We’re hearing that the folks who used to look with envy at their smarter peers, are feeling much more comfortable with their skillset now”, mentions ZeroTurnaround founder, Jevgeni Kabanov, “they’re enjoying the greatly improved cognition skills by making glorious fun of those still not using DNArebel.”
Based on customer feedback, ZeroTurnaround has priced DNArebel for the cost-conscious at 149 999 USD per concurrent user, per annum. They expect most firms will see the tool pay for itself within the first month of use, and offer a 30-day no-questions-asked money-back policy.
ZeroTurnaround is not liable for any damage that incorrect usage of DNArebel may cause. If your coworker has mutated into a terrifying monster please use the emergency superstrength/superspeed patch. If it feels that your brains are dissolving into goo, they most probably are and you may be eligible for a full refund. And there is no such thing as zombies, please stop flooding our forums with reports of their sightings, it’s probably just you going insane.