Imagine a bacon-wrapped Ferrari. Still not better than our free technical reports.
See all our reports

JavaRebel Goes AI

If anyone still doubts this announcement was an April Fool’s hoax. Thank you all for laughing!

As the Java programmers embrace JavaRebel we hear the same complaint again and again:

I used to take a coffee and chat with my friends while my application was deploying. Now that code reloads instantly I just can’t explain the breaks to my manager!

Since our customer satisfaction is most important to us we started working on making breaks painless. Since JavaRebel anyway must monitor all of the changes to the code, we projected that it could continue programming in the same pattern even when you’re away. After investigating the latest in machine learning we chose to use Support Vector Machines with a proprietary kernel that quickly learns your personal programming style.

This way, when you go to a break JavaRebel will continue to make changes to the code in the same pattern as before. Which means that your breaks are just as productive as working! Of course JavaRebel will not see the specification, therefore it is limited to writing unit tests and fixing simple bugs in the code.

David Pollak, father of lift and JavaRebel enthusiast:

I tried the JavaRebel AI module… it’s clearly smarter than I am and a better programmer… I just hope no-one in the lift community finds out.

Nathan Hamblen, of Coderspiel, had the following to say

I was surprised to learn that the singularity had arrived through an elaborate extension of “generate getters and setters.” But now that my JavaRebel AI has decompiled and rewritten itself (and most troubling of all, broken its license restrictions), I’d like to be the first to welcome our new robot overlords. Can I get you anything?

Not all responses were positive. Andreas Andreou, Tapestry committer and official Apache troll hunter:

From a recent study we conducted within our company, it was found that the JavaRebel AI module, however ingenious, can seriously harm one’s health. More specifically, out of 6 smokers that were forced to quit it due to Javarebel (not much spare time left for it), 5 have picked up their old habit again (too much spare time) and the sixth has left his PC in auto-pilot and gone on never-ending vacations.

The JavaRebel AI Module 1.0-M1 is available for download. Check out the screencast introducing the new features. A free trial is available, for the quote e-mail support at zeroturnaround dot com. No refunds.